I’m done. I’m sick and tired of cancer destroying my mom. I want to see her better. Please read this and share it. I’m begging you.

If some of you remember, I posted a few months ago, pleading you to pray for my poor mom. A quick recap: in 2010 (October), she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. She went through chemo treatments that never knocked her off her feet and handled her surgery like a paper cut. She got her left breast lopped off and all her hair was gone. Talk about a strange looking woman, right? Well she joked about it all the time. She didn’t care. She thought she looked great considering what she’d just gone through.
Her surgery was in May of 2011. And after that, she got her few radiation treatments that she needed over the summer. Her hair started coming back, little by little. Centimeter by centimeter. We were all so excited. Mom was recovering greatly, she had her energy and was getting our lives back to normal.
Then January (2012) came.
She went from wonderfully recovered to almost dead in what seems like an instant. Her blood pressure and calcium levels skyrocketed, her gall bladder started acting up, everything that could go wrong was going wrong. We would rush her to the hospital, and after a few days of recovery and sustaining herself, she came home. She was never home for a full week until we had to take her right back.

For two weeks, my sister and I were living at the house alone because mom had to stay at the hospital. We had 2 dogs to take care of and had to continue going to school. We were waking ourselves up in the morning, and some days we went without dinner, but, that we could handle. What we couldn’t handle were all the bills that were piling up. We didn’t know what to do. We would take them to mom, but she was in so much pain that they doped her up with a crap ton of medication. Whenever we would go to see her, she’d be off in another world, barely coherent. She couldn’t finish sentences or even hold eye contact.

That was when I knew there was something much more wrong with her than gallbladder trouble.

I didn’t know what, but it was something. I spent hours crying at home, praying that Mom would get better, but she only got worse. One time, we even went to visit her, and she told me to leave because she didn’t want to talk to me. I knew it was because she was jacked up on drugs, but if you’ve ever had your mother say that to you, you know that it hurts. I spent an hour in the hospital hall, sobbing on Dylan’s (my boyfriend) shoulder. I couldn’t handle this.

Soon, they put a drain into her. A gall bladder drain, since her gall bladder wasn’t able to drain on its own. She had to walk around with this little sack of yellow goo for the longest time.

Once our godparents found out about all this going on, they took us in for a week. It was so nice to not have to worry about anything- taking care of the house. For a week, we were kids again.
We found out that mom had been diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer.

That’s why she was hurting so bad in the hospital.

She came home with a crap ton of medication, her drain still in, and she couldn’t even make it up the porch steps by herself. Her hair, fuzzy and gray, and her sunken in eyes, made her look like my grandmother. Not my mommy.

These past few months, I don’t think I’ve gone a day without crying. I’ve cried in my room, I’ve cried in the halls at school, I’ve cried with mom about all of this. She’s strong, but I can tell she’s not ready to go. I’m not ready for her to go. I’m only 15. I still need my mom.

She’s had her ups and downs these past few months. Some days, she can’t get out of bed. Others, she cleans the whole house while Katy and I are at school. I’ve only been to church a few times this year since we’ve had to take care of Mom on her bad Sundays. We’ve been able to go as little bit, but only for the sermons (not Sunday school) because mom gets tired out real easily. Sometimes, she has her energy. And I thank God for those days. That’s when my MOM is enjoying her life. That picture up there, actually, is her playing with bubbles on a warm March day. ♥

If stage 4 bone cancer and my pastor telling me there was no hope for her wasn’t bad enough, Tuesday of last week, her results from a biopsy she’d had the previous week came in.

My mom is now, not only dealing with stage 4 bone cancer, but her breast  cancer has now come back.

They’re going to boost her chemo doses. She’ll be bed ridden for what seems like forever. It’s not that I don’t know if she’ll make it… I don’t know if I will. I can’t handle it. I need as much support as I can get.

And she needs as many prayers as she can get. Please, please, I beg you, reblog this and pray for my mother. We have to pray for a miracle.

(Source: thatchristiancracker)

After my mom being taken to the E.R last night, she was admitted. AGAIN. And after doing some bloodwork, they realized that her blood is good and that they could operate on her.

Ever since she came back from the hospital, she’s had a gall bladder drain. If you’ve never seen one, it looks like an I.V. bag on a tube that holds all the gall bladder junk that your jacked up gall bladder can’t process or get rid of (like it’s supposed to). Thus, you walk around with this extra… thing hanging off you. Well, mom’s had some sort of a leak in it or something, and so the dressing (ghetto dressing.. it was a diaper to soak it all up) was drenched and literally fell off of her. Which yanked on the tubing a little bit, causing massive pain and bleeding. THAT’S why we took her to the E.R.

I’ve yet to hear back from the doctors. But mom, while on the phone with her last night, told me that since her blood work turned out magnificently, they might just go ahead and take out her gall bladder.

That will help her a lot, I know. That will decrease so much of the pain.

But all this still doesn’t change the fact that everyone around me is telling me my mom is going to die soon. I can’t handle this. :\

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about, this is to explain what’s all been happening since the beginning of the year: http://thatchristiancracker.tumblr.com/post/16507013293/thatchristiancracker-this-is-my-mom-a-k-a-my)

Update on my mother.

My mom.

Is home.

I can’t believe it.

This has been the longest most grueling week. EVER.

I’m sorry I couldn’t update very much. We’ve been staying with our guardians and their sons. They had wireless, but I’m no good with tumblr on an iPod (for some reason my laptop WOULD NOT cooperate with their connection, so I had to use my sister’s iPod to get online).

ANYWAY,

So, all this week, we’ve been gone. We’ve had a lot of fun at the house we’d been staying at, but you know… it wasn’t home. We had to have our neighbors take care of our dogs and everyday we were driving an hour just to get to school and back. For once, I’m going to be glad to ride the bus tomorrow. So, that’s just a little update on me and Katy. But you don’t care about us. ;)

Mom.

This week, we’ve found out that her port (if you don’t know what that is, it’s kind of like the funnel in a cancer patient’s chest to get chemo dripped in them) got crushed. Don’t know how, but it was alllll sorts of jacked up. So, we needed to get that fixed. Mom had to get some crazy surgery for that. And the doctor’s got it fixed. Praise God.

Mom is home now. She’s slow and very weak and tired, BUT, she’s holding food down. If the cancer didn’t get to her in the hospital, I was almost sure starvation would. She couldn’t keep anything down and nothing tasted good to her. She’s coherent- can construct sentences. She’s joking around and being my MOM. Not some sickly old lady dying in a hospital bed.

Her legs and feet are SO swollen though. From laying in bed for a whole week. She has a little walker, so now she can get around the house with ease and maybe get her feet and legs back to normal.

We thought she’d be coming home with home-health, but she’s not. So it’s all on me and Katy. Pray for us to be stronger than ever now, but keep praying for mom. She’s improved so much over the week. :)

And I even got such an inspiring thing from her this evening. Okay, while she was in the hospital, she was so depressed and so negative and hated life (I blame all the pain medication she was on- she barely knew who she was). While she was laying in bed this evening (she was so happy to be in her OWN bed), she looked at me and said:

“You know, Chelsea… I’ve been getting up the past few mornings and I just stretch and stretch and stretch. And it reminded me.. an old vet told me something when I worked at a vet clinic back in the day… and he told me.. Whenever a dog or a kitty is hit by a car, and they survive, the ones that attempt to get up and stretch are the ones that make it. Every time.”

If that’s not uplifting, I don’t know what is. My mom is so strong and I believe she’s going to be the dog or kitty that makes it. Keep praying! Thanks for all of your prayers already! I just can’t believe the response I’ve been getting to this. Make sure to reblog this to get the word out to everyone. God is so good!!! ♥

(Source: thatchristiancracker)

This is my mom. A.K.A: my world.

For a year, my mom was battling breast cancer. Stage 4. Which is bad. Real bad. She handled it like a papercut, though. The chemo knocked her off her feet only about 5 days each month. She was never really sick, or achy. She was a trooper. After 6 months of chemo, she had to get her boob lopped off and then radiation for a few months. After radiation, her hair started coming in, and she was planning to get dreads once it was long enough. “After what I’ve been through, I don’t care. I think I deserve to do whatever the heck I want”, she’d said.

Two months after her radiation was the best she’d felt in a long time. She cleaned the house, she would go out and shop. She felt amazing. But, then, she had to start taking some medicine to crack out her hormones to make sure the cancer didn’t come back. A rare side effect to this medicine was liver failure. Guess what?

It wasn’t rare with my mom. Of all the people, it had to get her. She now has grapefruit sized cysts on her liver. Her gall bladder also isn’t functioning right. She has a drain in it to reduce the inflammation and to get rid of all the bile filling up in it. Last night, I went to see her in the hospital, and as soon as I walked in, I wasn’t looking at my mom. It looked like I was looking at someone’s sick, dying grandmother. She barely could respond to anything I said, and she was hardly holding my hand. She was fighting to hang on to a few of my fingers. She’s in so much pain and misery. She’s been in the hospital for a few weeks now. It’s just me and my 17 year old sister at home. And I’m only 15. 16 in June.

Today, my pastor came to my house and explained that the cancer had come back. It had metastasized… this time, to her bones. My mother. My whole world. My everything now has stage 4 bone cancer. She started chemo back up today. Just when her hair was long enough to dread. Just when I though the storm had passed, I realized we’d only been in the eye of the hurricane and the worst was yet to come.

My pastor told me today that the only reason they were really doing chemo was to buy my mother more time.

As a 15 year old, this is hard to take. My dad died when I was 5, so mom has always been the dad. Mrs. Dad, as some would say. Or Mr. Mom. She’s the best multi-tasker EVER and has always been there for me. She bought me my first drum and bellset when I was in 6th grade. I’m a sophomore in high school now, and I play the drumset and I can confidently play the piano. All because of my mom. I’m a strong Christian now. Because my mom started taking me to my current church when I was six. I’m an aspiring artist now and plan to become a photographer once I’m out of school. Because my mom bought me my first camera. And she would always buy me new sketchpads whenever I asked. I know how to raise my children right whenever they come along now, because she has taught me and SHOWN me how to treat your children. She’s the one that made me laugh from all her tales of her adventures when she was younger. She’s the one that got me into the Beatles and E.L.O. and the Ramones. She’s the reason I know how to make coffee and wash the dishes. She’s the one that always tucked me in at night and would suck the bad dreams out of my head.

But now, this nightmare won’t go away. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my mom. And I can tell she’s scared to death. She’s not ready to go, and I’m not ready for her to go, either. I’d always had these silly plans for her (since my dad isn’t here) to walk me down the aisle.. for her to be my first dance after I’m married. But now.. I’m not too sure if I’ll even have that. I know God has given me one heck of a testimony, but I’m not ready. I’m just not ready to lose her yet. And she’s not ready to go. I believe God still has some work for her to do. But I can’t be too sure. I just need to keep my faith. But most of all, I need YOU to pray for her. Please. Reblog this, tell everyone you know. Request a prayer for her at church. I fully 100% believe in miracles. I keep hearing: “It’s not looking good, Chelsea.” But I don’t want to believe it. I’d rather believe Matthew 19:26. Please reblog. It would mean the world to me. Your prayer could save my mom. ♥